


move a little closer

by thekaidonovskys



Series: After the Drift [4]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crying, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Miscommunication, Post-Coital Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekaidonovskys/pseuds/thekaidonovskys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the furtherest he’s felt from Newt since before the Drift. And he hates it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	move a little closer

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted by Tumblr user thekaidonovskys

They’ve just had sex.

Well, it depends on ones definition of sex, and there are plenty of biological implications and moral compasses and general uncertainties but fuck it, they’ve had  _sex_. And while it certainly isn’t Hermann’s first time, it’s been a very long time, enough that it almost feels like his first again. He thinks it probably means more than his first did too. 

Newt’s done most of the work, which they knew would have to happen from the start. He’s been incredible too, concern for Hermann’s leg not overwhelming and annoying, but making sure he was okay anyway. He’s led the way from start to finish, Hermann conceding his usual desire for control in the face of Newt’s  _obvious_ experience, and now that they’re done and he’s cleaned them up and ensured that Hermann’s okay, Newt’s collapsed next to him, arms barely brushing together, staring up at the ceiling. At least Hermann thinks he’s staring. He might be asleep. 

And despite the incredible evening, despite having amazing sex with a man he has to admit he loves quite a lot (even if he isn’t quite admitting that to Newt himself yet), Hermann is now beginning to feel a bit empty. 

Newt’s the touchy-feely one, that’s the thing. Hermann had been quietly resigning himself to being sprawled over after sex, being relegated to a pillow and not having room to so much as breathe, let alone move, for the rest of the night. But instead Newt’s keeping a careful distance, as if Hermann’s not even there anymore. 

He might as well not be. 

Hermann has to admit that perhaps his quiet resignation had actually been a little more than that. Perhaps he had expected affection, seen it as an important component to the aftermath of any kind of sexual activity. Perhaps he requires that, to feel like another human being and not just a body that has been used for pleasure.

Perhaps he wants it. 

Hermann doesn’t  _need_ physical contact - granted, he enjoys kissing Newt, enjoys the way they brush up against one another when they’re walking or how Newt’s hand finds his own under the table at lunch. But he can easily go without, too, can easily spend a day on his side of the lab doing calculations without any sense of loss… except in a situation like that, he hasn’t just put his body and heart and  _being_ on the line, to be used at will by another. 

It’s shocking how much this is actually starting to hurt. 

Hermann blinks back sudden tears, and is immediately furious with himself. So  _what_ if Newt isn’t a… an affectionate post-sex person? Does that  _matter_? They’ve had sex, something Hermann hasn’t kidded himself into thinking anybody wants to have with him for many years, and should that not be enough? Is he not assured that Newt at least has strong affection for him; does he not feel it in the remnants of the Drift?

All of that is true and right and good, and still Hermann finds himself wrapping his arms around himself, trying to get rid of the sudden emptiness he feels. 

This is the furtherest he’s felt from Newt since before the Drift. And he hates it.

He chokes back more tears, biting his lip, but his breath catches in his throat and an entirely undignified (but also  _revealing)_ noise slips out. Newt stirs, then rolls onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow. “Hermann?” he asks.

Hermann can’t reply, not without giving away his current predicament. He just stays quiet and hopes that Newt will think he’s hearing things and lie back down.

Unfortunately, one of the upsides of Newt’s short-sightedness is that he has excellent night vision, and Hermann hears a quiet inhale from him a second later. “Are you… oh god, you’re  _crying._ Is it - did I hurt you? Your leg -?”

He sounds so panicked that Hermann can’t stay silent. “My leg is fine,” he says, wincing at his choked voice. 

“Then what is it? Was it not… was it bad? Did I do something wrong?”

Newt’s referring to the sex itself, so at least Hermann doesn’t have to lie there. “Of course not,” he assures. “It was… wonderful.”

“Then what?”

Hermann doesn’t reply, but more unwanted tears spill out, and he closes his eyes against them.

Newt shifts a little closer and brushes one of them away. “Hermann,” he murmurs. “You have to tell me what’s going on, or I can’t help. And right now I’m petrified out of my  _mind_ that I’ve done something awful and hurt you in some way and I need to know, I can’t bear the thought. So please, please just tell me. If it’s… if you’re afraid of hurting me, it’s okay. I can take it. I just can’t take  _this_.”

Hermann knows he has to tell him because  _he_ can’t bear the thought of Newt being upset, but it still takes a moment to find the words. “You did nothing wrong,” he promises. “I just… I thought…”

“What?”

Hermann sighs and forces the words out. “I didn’t think there would be so much distance after.”

Three beats of silence, then Newt’s tiny sound of realization. “You mean physically? Because I moved away?”

“I understand if that is how you prefer it,” Hermann says, trying to keep his tone light. “I would not ask you to change or adapt to my… wishes. I just had an expectation that turned out to not be true, and now that I understand that I will work with it. After all, you have given your body to me tonight, there is no need for you to give it further if you do not -“

And that’s when Newt curls right up against him, throwing limbs over him and holding Hermann so tight he forgets how to breathe for a second. All of the warm suddenly floods back into his body and Newt is kissing him, his cheeks, nose, forehead, anywhere he can find. “ _Hermann_ ,” he murmurs, his tone endlessly apologetic. “Babe, I didn’t… I’m sorry, so sorry, I didn’t realize how that would make you feel, I shouldn’t have - I thought I was doing you a  _favour_  but I should’ve asked, should’ve  _checked_ , and please  _please_ don’t think I don’t want to be close to you, especially after something so incredible and perfect. I’m  _so_ sorry, Hermann. Tell me you’re okay? Please?”

Hermann’s left reeling, but his arms have already found their way around Newt and his heart isn’t racing quite so bad anymore. Those are positives. “I… a favour?” he finally manages, trying to understand. “You - why?”

“I thought you wouldn’t want me too close afterwards,” Newt says, and now his voice is small and embarrassed as he rests his head on Hermann’s chest. “I’m too affectionate, too  _clingy_ , I hear it all the time, and I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to put up with that.”

And now Hermann’s in a position he can handle - one of providing reassurance. “Whoever has told you that clearly does not understand the gift you are giving when you…  _cling_. And I detest that word. You are affectionate by nature, Newton, and I would never ask you to hide that. It is precious.”

Newt doesn’t reply for a few moments, and when Hermann feels one of Newt's arms dart away to wipe his eyes, he knows why. “Sorry,” Newt murmurs, and now it’s his turn to be choked up. “I just… I don’t get that a lot.”

“Then you will get it from me a lot more. While there are certain circumstances where having you draped across me may be inconvenient and unwanted, they are far outweighed by moments like these. After what we have shared tonight, the last thing I want is for you to distance yourself. I want to have been with you, and… and to know that you have been with me. Not just with my - my body.”

“Oh,  _Hermann_ ,” Newt breathes, and then he’s curling in even tighter, his own tears immediately forgotten. “God, I really fucked that up, didn’t I? I promise you, a hundred percent, that was  _not_ just sex for me, it was all about you. And I could never… I wouldn’t have… I mean, hell, I  _could_ , I’m not gonna lie, I could have sex and have it mean nothing, easily, but  _not with you._ Not you, not ever. Even if we’d spent the whole night just kissing or just… just being like this, I would’ve felt just as good about it because it’s about being close to  _you_. That’s the only thing that’s gonna make anything we do pleasurable.”

Hermann’s feeling dangerously emotional again, which he fixes by tilting Newt’s head up and kissing him. They find themselves in it, find the equilibrium they’ve lost, and when they break apart they’ve both blinked away the last of their tears. “Are you okay, darling?” Hermann asks, just to be sure. 

“Of course I am. Are you?”

“Much better now, for having you here.”

He knows Newt understands what he means by  _here_ , and sure enough Newt’s expression relaxes further. “I’m not gonna stay this close when we actually sleep, though,” he says. “I don’t want you to stop breathing or anything.”

“Are you comfortable there?”

“Kind of… a lot, yeah. You’re insanely comfy for someone so bony.”

Hermann smiles. “I’m sure there was a compliment in there somewhere,” he teases. “And I find this comfortable also. You make for an excellent blanket.”

“My life goal is complete,” Newt says happily, snuggling in further. Hermann smiles fondly down at him. “But Herms?”

Hermann wrinkles his nose at the name, but allows it anyway. It’s one of those things that he’s secretly becoming a little fond of. “Yes?”

“One favour?”

“Of course.”

“Can we please  _never_ cry after sex again? It’s so bad for my complex.”

Hermann chuckles quietly and runs his fingers down Newt’s spine. “Your complex could take coming down a peg or two, love. But yes, I think I can promise that.”

“Good. Because if there’s one thing I know I’m amazing at, it’s sex.”

Considering he’s said that around a yawn, it probably doesn’t come out quite as impressive as he’s meant it. Hermann smiles. “Yes, yes, darling, if you say so.”

“I mean it. Check my references.” Newt yawns again. “Except sex is exhausting.”

Hermann agrees to that, feeling a little drowsy himself. “Tonight was an excellent beginning, anyway,” he murmurs, Newt making a sleepy noise of agreement. “I look forward to a  _full_ exploration of your skills in the near future.”

“Wait, what?” Newt says, suddenly sounding wide awake. “Is that… are you implying what I think you are?”

“Goodnight, Newton.”

“Hermann!”

Hermann closes his eyes with a smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Accidentally In Love".


End file.
